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When I commenced my relationship with the Scientology Cult in late 1975, my low opinion of my self worth made me vulnerable.  I was an open slate for a cult to etch whatever wild ideas they chose to on me, thus I took most everything on “faith” and my “gut feeling”.

Surviving 37 years of involvement and finally gaining some objectivity from being on the outside of it, I was able to connect a boatload of dots. There are far too many to cover in any great detail, so I’ll stick with the ones that are most significant. Note: For a more indepth dissertation, please read my “Q&A” blogs, which take up 45 separate points.

All applicants for staff positions were required to take a full battery of tests including, IQ, aptitude, OCA (Oxford Capacity Analysis aka 200 question personality test) and a Leadership Survey.   These not only determined whether or not the person could be hired but also what position they could be placed in if they were accepted.

Executive positions in particular required the scores to be very high on each of the aforementioned tests.   A high Leadership Survey score was especially important.   Why? It weeded out those who could be potential trouble in positions of trust, i.e. those who couldn’t be counted on to always and forever “kiss the ground” at Hubbard’s feet.

Unfortunately, I was in awe of Hubbard, tested high and ended up in more executive positions than I care to mention.

Here’s an example of a few questions to give you a better idea:

4. In managing something is it better to: a. Follow laid down policies closely, b. Develop one’s own procedures, c. Be sensible.  The acceptable answer= a.

7. Can there be a single source for anything? a. yes, b. no, c. uncertain.  Acceptable answer= a.

12. Did Thomas Edison invent the electric lightbulb? a. personally, b. as a member of a team, c. by copying older inventions.  The acceptable answer= a.

13. Should the head of a government rule: a. single-handedly, b. as a member of a council, c. by the will of the people.  Acceptable answer=a.

14. Which one of the following would most help a student? a. the Instructor’s briliance, the Instructor’s helpfulness, c. the Instructor’s insistence.  The acceptable answer= c.

21. When a preclear recovers because of processing, what was the true source of the recovery? a. the Auditor, b. the Preclear, c. Scientology, d. LRH.  The acceptable answer= d.

24. Where did Scientology really come from? a. many people, b. LRH, c. older knowledge. The acceptable answer= b.

25. Is it better to: a. do Scientology, b. improve Scientology, c. find your way carefully. The acceptable answer= a.

26. In applying a definite policy should one: a. use good sense, b. apply it exactly, c. improve it if possible.  The acceptable answer= b.

27. Would it be easier to promote to others if one said Scientology developments were: a. the product of a team, b. developed with your help, c. done by LRH, d. already known. The acceptable answer= c.

30. Should punishment ever be used? a. yes, b. no, c. uncertain. The acceptable answer-a.

Once on the executive post one would be tightly controlled, i.e. each and every time one would step out of line one was disciplined.   The “Art of War”, particurly the anecdote about the chopping off of a commander’s head, was cited many times.  In fact, in one of LRH’s policies on the subject of discipline he uses the phrase “put a head on a pike”. Of course this was not to be taken literally, only used to make the point that whatever the punishment, it would be severe.

Many stepped in line and took extra care to follow all orders so as not to be used as an example.  Others chose the alternative of leaving, some following the procedures to do so and remain in “good standing”, others not.

Those who towed the lined and followed the procedures whether they stayed or left, did so because they were manipulated into beleiving that their eternity depended on them being in “good” with Scientology.  To do otherwise one’s penalty was being banished forever and forfeiting one’s eternal freedom, not to mention being shunned by those in “good” and having one’s communication completely cut off, i.e. disconnection.

It had been my observation that anyone who left in “bad standing” who is in a healthy state of mind, as far as having no concern about their “eternity”, has concluded that Scientology is a fraud.  Of course this is completely contrary to what Hubbard says.  His claim is that anyone who falls away, in particular those who speak out against it,  live miserable lives.  My experience has been quite the opposite, I’m doing better than ever!

In trying to make more sense out of how I stayed in for so long despite the abuse and disappointments, the real “hook” for me was not so much the “teachings”, it was the people.  And to this day, it remains that the goodness of the majority of the people in Scientology is what attracts people to it and what keeps them in.

Many who don’t know the true story of the cult assume that these Scientologists are good, decent people because of their association with and use of Scientology.   That couldn’t be further than the truth.

The fact is most people who are drawn to a religion, self-improvement, etc. are very decent people who unfortunately underestimate their self-worth.   These people were good from the get go.  They didn’t need a lot of fixing, therapy, discipline, punishment, etc, to “set them straight”.

Hubbard even stated himself in Fundamentals of Thought, I believe, that nothing anyone learns in Scientology is new and we all knew it before, just had to be reminded.  So much for Scientology and L Ron Hubbard being the true source of anything good that happens in this world.

Which brings me to another, but final point…

In short Hubbard goes into great detail about the parasitic personality, forewarning adherents to look out for this one, listing the traits.

“What we will call the aberrative personality does the following things:

1. Everything bad that happened to the preclear was (a) ridiculous, (b) unimportant, (c) deserved.

2. Everything the preclear and others did to the aberrative person was (a) very important, (b) very bad, (c) irremediable.

3. Those things which the preclear could do (a) were without real value, (b) were done better by the aberrative personality or by others.

4. Sexual restraint or perversion.

5. Inhibition of eating.”

Here is the link to the full reference:

Clearly the above points describe L Ron Hubbard and David Miscavige.

No need to say more on that.

I am hopeful that some Scientologists will read this and realize, they are responsible for their condition, not just when its bad (which is when they get this shoved in their face by the Scientology cult) but when its good.   Truly they are decent people and have been for a very long time and will remain so with or without Scientology.  If anything, the cult is putting a strain on them maintaining their own basic goodness.





I’m so proud to be part of the KW Family. In Response to Hurricane Harvey KW Agents contributed the following:

Keller Williams: $4m donated, $20m pledged to relief efforts, 3 semis full of relief equipment (from generators to tools to water, etc.) waiting outside of Houston for permission to enter, and literally THOUSANDS of agents standing by, waiting to get in, to help rebuild.

My prayers are with all those in need.


Non-disclosure agreements are common in the business world in particular, but its use by a so-called religion is very odd to say the least.

When it comes to the Scientology cult its not only a scare tactic but an admission of guilt. Clearly they have this in place to thwart exposure and lawsuits.

As covered in my autobiography, “Over the Edge: A Pawn in the Scientology Money Machine”,  one staff member from the Office of Special Affairs (the cult’s Legal and PR department) admitted to the abuse in “the Hole” and elsewhere, stating it used to happen but had been handled.  Another specifically told me that the reason why the Suppressive Person Declares were being kept under lock and key and were no longer being posted on the Scientology Org notice boards is “to prevent libel and slander suits”.

So, what are they afraid of?   The answer…being exposed for the abusive fraud that they really are.

Here’s a few paragraphs from the non-disclosure agreement I signed under duress when I retired from Sea Org staff on June 25, 2010, to show the depths they go to keep their violations under wraps.

1. Consideration to be Received from the Church

In consideration for entering into this agreement to abide by the foregoing recitals and the release and obligations set forth below, the Church will provide me with a $500.00 staff departure transitional support allowance payable immediately.  The Church additionally agrees to provide me the following transitional support:

A. Assistance in finding a job.

B. Assistance in moving my possessions as needed.

4. Acknowledgment of no claims against any Scientology Entity

A. I acknowledge that for the entire time that I served on the Church’s staff that I intended to serve as a volunteer religious worker and never worked with any expectation of being paid or otherwise compensated for my work (including overtime, minimum wages, pension payments or similar benefits) and therefore do not expect or want any payment of any kind from the Church.

B. I further acknowledge that I have no claim of any kind against the Church or any Scientology Entity of which I am aware, buy if I do have any such claim or claims against them or any one of them of whatever nature I hereby release the Church and the Scientology Entities from any and all such claims I may have (hereafter the “Release”) in return for the valuable consideration described in Section 1 above.

C. This release covers every claim I may have or possibly could have against any church or mission of the Scientology religion, including but not limited to the Church of Scientology Western United States, Church of Scientology International, Church of Spiritual Technology, the Religious Technology Center and their affiliated organizations any any entity they may own or manage (collectively the “Scientology Entities”), as well as Any past, present, and future officer, director, trustee, and staff member of any Scientology Entity, in any capacity, and any religious worker, staff member, employee and parishioner of any Scientology Entity and their respective families and successors in interest (the “Scientology Releasees”).  The released claims include even those claims I may not know about right now but that may become apparent sometime in the future.

(i) Because this Release covers unknown potential future claims, I understand that I must specifically waive the provisions of California Civil Code Section 1542 for this Release to be effective for future claims. This law provides that:

“A general release does not extend to claims which the creditor does not know or suspect to exist in his or her favor at the time of executing the release, which if known by him or her must have materially affected his or he settlement with the debtor.”.

(ii) I understand that this law means that I cannot give up any claims that I do not know about or suspect I have by signing this Release unless I clearly state that i intend and want to give up the protection that this law provides. I HEREBY STATE THAT I DO WANT TO GIVE UP THE PROTECTION OF THAT LAW.  I understand and intend that I am releasing all claims against any Scientology Entity even if I currently do not know about them and could not reasonably know about them. Therefore I agree that California Civil Code 1542 does not and will not apply to this release and waiver.

D.  My promise to release any claim I may have against the Church or any Scientology Entity whether known or unknown, is unconditional and irrevocable and binding for all future years, forever, on my successors in interest, including anyone who may be acting or purporting to act on my behalf or for my benefit, regardless of whether I am alive, dead, disabled or incapacitated, and under any and all circumstances, whether foreseeable or not.

5. Agreement never to Disparage a Scientology Entity or Principal

I agree not to directly or indirectly engage in any conduct or make any statement to any Third Parties, whether in commercial or noncommercial speech, that disparages or criticizes in any way the Scientology Entities or Scientology Releasees or their religious materials, services or practices.  Nor shall I engage in any conduct or make any statement that does or could impair the goodwill or reputation of the Scientology Entities or Scientology Releasees or their religious materials, services or practices except to the extent I may be compelled to do so by court order, and then only after consultation with the Church to the extent possible.

6. Agreement as to the Church’s remedies if I break my promises

C.  I further acknowledge that if I break any of the promises I have made in this Agreement that it wold be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to calculate actual damages to the Church. For this reaosn, I agree that if the Church is forced to go to court as a result of my violation of this agreement that in addition to any other remedy the Church may have that I will pay the Church $20,000 (Twenty Thousand Dollars) for every one of my violations of this Agreement.   I understand that this sum, which is call “liquidated damages”, is not meant to be a penalty, but rather represents a reasonable attempt to estimate a fair compensation for the foreseeable losses that might result from each such breach. I agree to this sum because I believe it fairly reflects the value of a violation of each one of the obligations I have made and that it also gives me a reasonable incentive not to break my promises.”


As I have gotten closer to releasing my autobiography, “Over the Edge: A Pawn in the Scientology Money Machine” my friends in Omaha, who have had no affiliation with Scientology have asked:  “Are you concerned for your safety?,  “Do you think that exposing the Church of Scientology will result in a lawsuit or harm you in some way?”

My answer…

Not in the least. The non-disclosure agreement I signed would probably not hold up in a court of law.  I wouldn’t have been able to leave “in good standing”, nor received my $500 check to start a new life had I not signed- I’d call that duress.

Besides, contrary to their reputation for being litigious, they have not filed suit on anyone to my knowledge since Debbie Cook in early 2012 and that turned out very bad for them.

Instead they put on a show and fervently deny all “allegations”.   If they are so convinced of their rightness, where are the libel and slander suits?

Next, I have literally nothing to lose, no assets, self-employed so they can’t garnish my wages.  “You can’t drain blood from a turnip” comes into play. Besides that, with the Church as money motivated as it is, I would be “small fish”, no monetary gain, so a suit against me would be a poor investment for them.

On a more positive note, I sure would get a lot of publicity if they did and all too likely my story would go viral as a result.   So, I say “Bring it on!”

As a little side note, I must share a funny anecdote…

I’ve had nightmares about Scientology ever since I got involved.  Of course they have changed over the years as my perspective shifted.

Since I officially resigned and up until a few months ago, the nightmares were of me still being there even though I was out.  I was surrounded by Sea Org members refusing to acknowledge that I resigned, barking orders at me, expecting me to comply, at which time I’d wake up.

But just the other night, I had one with a new twist.  This time I was walking down the street in front of the Scientology Big Blue building and I had a real estate flyer that flew out of my hand onto the grass.

Promptly a Security guard approached me, warning that if it happened again I’d have to pay a $100 fine for the litter.   I was polite and talked him out of pursuing it. Then another flier dropped and he demanded the $100, then told me he’d make it $50,  but I managed to wiggle out of that.

Just when I thought I was home free, another guard came up and demanded I pay the $100.  I explained what had happened and that I had an agreement to not pay a fine as it was purely accidental, yet he insisted.

Instead of waking up, I raised my voice, called him a bully and asked him point blank, how he was going to enforce it.   This was in ear shot of several other Sea Org members who were doing menial labor, one an old friend of mine.   She perked up and I could tell by the look on her face that she sided with me.

A split second later I woke up hopeful that many people who are still in will read my book, have a radical change of view and get the heck out of there!



In one of my recent blog articles, “Over the Edge: To Give or Not Give “The Benefit of the Doubt”, one of my examples of potential scams was Health/Wellness/Fitness products and businesses.

I mentioned that I had an ongoing dispute with a Fitness Camp/Resort.  In all fairness, I didn’t disclose the business name at the time as we were mid resolution.  In this particular case, the General Manager/Vice President/part-owner of the business went out of her way to discuss and resolve every single concern I had.

Well, I am now happy to say, we’re all good and in the process I learned a valuable lesson.  If there is an opportunity for dialogue, in many cases, it is wise to accept it as an option. The fact is no person or business is perfect and the ones that are willing to communicate, own up and take responsilbility for valid issues are worth maintaining a relationship with.

Another point I want to make is that, some people (myself included in some instances), are not easy to please.   I have been on the other end of this and must say it is disheartening to go out of your way to give near impeccable service only to have to deal with the rare customer/client who is negative and near impossible to please. Honestly, I never want to be that kind of person, but I do have my moments and I don’t believe I am alone in this.

People seeking help and having had a freeway pile up of disappointments in their life seem more prone to be negative.  The Health/Wellness/Fitness industry attracts these individuals.  The people employed in these industries certainly have their work cut out for them to get 5-star reviews across the boards.   Unfortunately there will always be some who post nasty reviews, there’s no getting around it.

My advice, when doing your due diligence is to take the above into account and don’t prejudge based on reviews.  If at all possible go see for yourself and if they have a free-trial, use it.








As covered in my autobiography, “Over the Edge: A Pawn in the Scientology Money Machine”, much of my involvement with Scientology had a negative impact on me emotionally, financially, mentally, physically and spiritually.

That’s a whole lot of mess to fix.

What are my recommendations to people who have had similar experiences, including addictions to any other types of toxic, unhealthy relationships?

The key things that helped me heal and move on are as follows:

Believe in yourself, connect with people who are non-judgemental, trust in them and accept help and advice, particularly on books to read and videos to view.   This very much includes professional counsellors, therapists, Pastors, etc.   I also suggest giving yourself a make-over so to speak, by recognizing unhealthy habits, giving them the boot and replacing them with healthy ones; examples are nutrition, attending to medical and dental issues, exercise, rest, recreation, etc.

Build strong relationships with family and friends and at the same time weed out toxic relationships from your life, when necessary.  Note: I make a point of doing my damndest to fix relationships before I decide to bail, reason being, no one is perfect and quite often you can repair them, and I’d prefer not to wonder “what if”. 

Recognize your skills and abilities and put yourself to work utilizing them.

Form a list of questions to get answers to regarding Scientology (or whatever the troublesome relationship is) and your family roots (because your family tree can leave a mark on you) then perform an unbiased research to find the answers.  

As regards Scientology in particular, I “erased the tape”, i.e. all the things that I took on faith and had never done my due diligence on.  Fortunately, due to modern technology I was able to access factual records. That is how I discovered the lies about Hubbard’s life and so-called successes, the fake lawsuit victories, the false prophecy and even plagiarism on his part.   

This later I tripped over by accident.  It was an innocent FB posting featuring Vince Lombardi of football fame, with one of his favorite quotes “Think Big” also referred to as “It’s all in a state of mind poem” by Walter D Wintle.  Yet, LRH used this poem verbatim on a musical CD he created with notable musicians at Golden Era Productions (his very own Sea Org studio), and took full credit for it. Note: The earliest recorded version was from a publication of 1905 for the Unity Tract Society, Unity School of Christianity.

Subscribe to a pre-paid legal service so that you have easy access to legal advice.

Travel as much as possible, widen your perspective, get out in the world and experience life.

Last, but not least, write and share your story, even if you don’t publish it.   It can be a daunting task but is well worth it.   In fact, if you are interested, as a charitable contribution, I would be willing to give you some guidance.  

Best, Kay Rowe

I applaud Mirriam and Saina for having the courage to speak out on Season 2 Episode 1 of Leah Remini and Mike Rinder’s Scientology Aftermath.  In case you have not watched this as yet, I recommend that you do so.  Here is the link:

I am at a loss for words to express my utter disgust and anger for what they went through in the cult.  I certainly had my share of trauma, but it doesn’t compare to theirs. I consider myself very fortunate to not have been involved in Scientology as a child and have the traumatic experiences that they had.

What we do have in common is speaking out, and I hope that they gain as much or more than I have from doing so.

A major turning point in my new life was when I told my story on a local TV talk show. I didn’t realize just how powerful that experience was until I reviewed that video as part of the final edit/review of my book, “Over the Edge: A Pawn in the Scientology Money Machine” which is estimated for release on Sept 1, 2017.

The Talk Show Host asked me about scars and I responded with words to the effect that I was holding myself back from engaging in an occupation that would be the best use of my abilites due the horrific experiences I had as a fundraiser for a cult.

I knew that I would be good in sales but I couldn’t bring myself to pursue it.  On the show, I had a revelation that no matter what one does in life it involves “selling” in some way, shape or form.

Interestingly enough, not long after that interview (late June 2014) I made a firm decision to become a Realtor.  I started my Real Estate classes the end of July 2014 and was licensed by mid Nov 2014.  I doubt that I would be having the quality of life I am enjoying now had it not been for speaking out in the manner that I did.

Here’s the excerpt from my book to share with you as well as the video.   If you or a loved one needs closure, I hope this helps.

“I joined several Meetup groups, including a Woman’s Empowerment Group called “F.R.E.E.” The group’s lead organizer, Robin, had a local TV talk show. She invited me to appear as a guest. That was pretty wild. She was fascinated with my story. I had gotten to the point where telling my tale didn’t seem to faze me anymore, but I was still embarrassed and ashamed that I had been so naïve. Fearing the possible consequences, I made it a point not to bring up the word “Scientology.”

Here is the interview: