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on October 15, 2017
Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

As a former staff member of the church, I know too well the constant demands to generate income for the organization as well as the intense pressure there was on the receiving end. I was in for 25 years and thought the IAS organization was on the up-and-up in the good they were doing for society so the “high pressure” sales were “worth it” for the greater good.

Kay lays out beautifully why one would be attracted to the church and its declared missions and how one can become trapped in its belief system. She indeed brought out it’s darker side and how the lack of caring for the individual, especially those most dedicated to the cause through the Sea Organization, are only pawns in the system. I see how we can become blinded because while we want to believe we are indeed doing good for society, our individual grievances take a lesser role and we justify our complaints by being less important and significant. The amount of physical and emotional pain endured by Kay and other members is difficult to comprehend.

Kay is very forthright and candid about her experiences and indeed sheds light in my opinion on the most ruthless fundraisers with the church’s organization, the IAS. I thank and applaud Kay for speaking out and telling her story. I’m thrilled she has a bright and shiny future ahead of her.


The bottomline purpose of publishing my book is and always will be to make a difference for the better in the lives of as many people as possible.

I believe my story has a powerful message and if not for that I wouldn’t have invested the time, energy and funds over the past two years to finally get to the point of releasing it on Oct 6, 2017.

That said, I want to get my book into as many channels as possible, the sooner, the better.   I’m already onto lining up Podcasts and reaching out to get on various TV talk shows.

In addition to the above I want to do “Book Release and Tips on How to Write Your Story” Events in my existing and old stomping grounds, across the U.S.  In case anyone wants a signed book, I can do that too.   But my focus is on helping folks commence writing their story so they can experience the therapeutic value of doing so.

I would appreciate any input and/or help in hosting these events as well as recommendations for channels I can get my story onto.



In case anyone is wondering, I didn’t write my story and publish it for fame and fortune.

On the contrary, I expect I’ll be lucky if I recap the $5k I’ve invested thus far, not counting the time I dedicated to it over the past 2 years.

Further, I didn’t publish it to “bring down” the Church of Scientology.    David Miscavige, it’s leader, and his minions, are doing a fine job of making it extremely unpopular all on there own without any help from so-called “apostates”.

The cult of Scientology is just one of a myriad of toxic associations that prey on the vulnerable.  I just happen to be one of billions who went on a journey to find a “source” of  “answers” to seemingly unsolvable riddles of life.

The road I took lead me to being entrapped in a cult. But there are many other roads with traps that billions of others have followed to their detriment.  They could all fall under the category of “addictions” whether a group, person, or substance and there are many out there.

I believe that most anyone who reads my story will be able to relate to it no matter their age, gender, occupation, nationality, race or religious beliefs.

And I truly hope that those who do read it will find something of value that can help them bring about a higher quality of life for themselves, those near and dear to them and to the world at large.









I am grateful for all the support from family, friends and associates in finally getting my book published. Now available for purchase through Amazon’s CreateSpace estore (POD) and Amazon (for Kindle and/or POD).

Here’s the blurb on the back cover:

“In a billion years I never thought I’d get involved in a cult, let alone sign a billion year contract with one and stick with it for 37 years.
The most oft questions I have been asked are “Why did you get involved in the first place?” and “What took you so long to finally get out?”
I am confident that you will find the answers to both of these questions and many more in the pages within. This is not just my memoir, but a story that needs to be told of harsh abuse, medical neglect and voracious greed all under the banner of a religion which claims to be saving this planet and the universe. From my early days getting involved in Scientology in Santa Barbara to joining the elite Sea Organization and slaving for pennies a day, there are no stones left unturned. I was a pawn in the Church of Scientology’s money making machine and this is my story.”

The link to purchase the Print on demand (POD) version is:

Here’t the link to purchase the Kindle Version:


My autobiography, “Over the Edge: A Pawn in the Scientology Money Machine”, that has been nearly 2 years in the making, will be released in a week or two.   To say the least, this is quite an accomplishment for me and marks a milestone in my life.

The therapeutic value went well beyond anything I have ever experienced. Further, had I not decided to publish my work, it would have been virtually cost-free.  I could go on and on for pages, covering in detail all that I gained from this one activity.   However, I will keep this on point with the title of this article. If you’d like to delve into this more, you are welcome to read my book and my other blog articles.

One particular revelation that stands out, well beyond any others, is the choices I made were on me.  Once I became of legal age to make my own decisions, everything I did was of my choosing, including decisions I made based on faulty data.  It was on me to do my due diligence and not take anything on faith.  Obviously, I royally blew it!

I chose to get involved in Scientology and gave that organization control of me and my life for 37 years.  I was the one who allowed myself to be manipulated, abused, bullied and neglected. This doesn’t mean that this cult gets off the hook for their part in this.  Just saying, it’s a lesson learned for me and it will be a cold day in hell for me to be taken for a fool again.

Granted back in the mid 70s when I signed up, it was difficult to research extensively, compared to nowadays where you can access information at the drop of a hat on the Internet. Now, even moreso, no one can use the excuse “I didn’t know”.

I’m hoping that my book and blog articles go viral.  Why?  Because a lot of  people in this world need to wake up and take control of their lives if they are ever to be truly free and happy.  Anyone who is any kind of unhealthy, let alone, toxic relationship with anyone or anything, I hope you get this message and act on it.

As for loyal Scientologists and those still involved, but having their doubts,  you owe it to yourself to look, listen and think for yourself.  There’s this thing in Scientology called the “Doubt Formula”.  It very clearly states that you perform this activity “unbiased”.   Further, the Founder, L Ron Hubbard, published the article “On Personal Integrity”, where he states, in so many words, that what is true for you, is true.

Of course, I understand, it takes courage to do this, with the threat of expulsion, being declared a “Suppressive Person” and having all your Scientology affiliations, family included, potentially cut off communication with you.

But get this, you are not committing a “High Crime” but doing your due diligence.  By all rights, do the “Doubt Formula”.  But do it honestly, thoroughly and unbiased.  Yes, this means you will need to go on the Internet, you’ll also need to read some “anti-Scientology” books and articles.  You may even need to talk to several people who left and were declared “Suppressive”.   But guess what, unless you “adhere” or “associate” with these “expelled” people, you really haven’t broken the rules.

So, if your “handler” is making a fuss and threatening you with “expulsion” just because you are exercising your rights and following the rules covered above, note that down in the appropriate column, i.e. “pro” or “con” on your “Doubt Formula”.

Something you may want to consider is that the CofS has near unlimited funds, into the Billions and have a reputation for being litigious. That being said, if all the people who have gone public on Scientology abuses are being liberous or slanderous, where are the lawsuits?

Here is a link to one of my blog articles that I believe will give you further insight.   Note that I wanted to stay and before I met with my “Handler” I was 80% into staying, 20% considering leaving and if I did leave I wasn’t looking to go public on it.  What caused me to flip was the “Handler” not a “Suppressive Person” or the things I read on the Internet.

So it’s your choice, your life, your good, your bad.  It’s on you to take control of your life and do your due diligence.

I hope you take this advice while you still have a chance to make a new life for yourself, out of the restraints of whatever may be holding onto you and causing you stress.

Best, Kay M Rowe



When I commenced my relationship with the Scientology Cult in late 1975, my low opinion of my self worth made me vulnerable.  I was an open slate for a cult to etch whatever wild ideas they chose to on me, thus I took most everything on “faith” and my “gut feeling”.

Surviving 37 years of involvement and finally gaining some objectivity from being on the outside of it, I was able to connect a boatload of dots. There are far too many to cover in any great detail, so I’ll stick with the ones that are most significant. Note: For a more indepth dissertation, please read my “Q&A” blogs, which take up 45 separate points.

All applicants for staff positions were required to take a full battery of tests including, IQ, aptitude, OCA (Oxford Capacity Analysis aka 200 question personality test) and a Leadership Survey.   These not only determined whether or not the person could be hired but also what position they could be placed in if they were accepted.

Executive positions in particular required the scores to be very high on each of the aforementioned tests.   A high Leadership Survey score was especially important.   Why? It weeded out those who could be potential trouble in positions of trust, i.e. those who couldn’t be counted on to always and forever “kiss the ground” at Hubbard’s feet.

Unfortunately, I was in awe of Hubbard, tested high and ended up in more executive positions than I care to mention.

Here’s an example of a few questions to give you a better idea:

4. In managing something is it better to: a. Follow laid down policies closely, b. Develop one’s own procedures, c. Be sensible.  The acceptable answer= a.

7. Can there be a single source for anything? a. yes, b. no, c. uncertain.  Acceptable answer= a.

12. Did Thomas Edison invent the electric lightbulb? a. personally, b. as a member of a team, c. by copying older inventions.  The acceptable answer= a.

13. Should the head of a government rule: a. single-handedly, b. as a member of a council, c. by the will of the people.  Acceptable answer=a.

14. Which one of the following would most help a student? a. the Instructor’s briliance, the Instructor’s helpfulness, c. the Instructor’s insistence.  The acceptable answer= c.

21. When a preclear recovers because of processing, what was the true source of the recovery? a. the Auditor, b. the Preclear, c. Scientology, d. LRH.  The acceptable answer= d.

24. Where did Scientology really come from? a. many people, b. LRH, c. older knowledge. The acceptable answer= b.

25. Is it better to: a. do Scientology, b. improve Scientology, c. find your way carefully. The acceptable answer= a.

26. In applying a definite policy should one: a. use good sense, b. apply it exactly, c. improve it if possible.  The acceptable answer= b.

27. Would it be easier to promote to others if one said Scientology developments were: a. the product of a team, b. developed with your help, c. done by LRH, d. already known. The acceptable answer= c.

30. Should punishment ever be used? a. yes, b. no, c. uncertain. The acceptable answer-a.

Once on the executive post one would be tightly controlled, i.e. each and every time one would step out of line one was disciplined.   The “Art of War”, particurly the anecdote about the chopping off of a commander’s head, was cited many times.  In fact, in one of LRH’s policies on the subject of discipline he uses the phrase “put a head on a pike”. Of course this was not to be taken literally, only used to make the point that whatever the punishment, it would be severe.

Many stepped in line and took extra care to follow all orders so as not to be used as an example.  Others chose the alternative of leaving, some following the procedures to do so and remain in “good standing”, others not.

Those who towed the lined and followed the procedures whether they stayed or left, did so because they were manipulated into beleiving that their eternity depended on them being in “good” with Scientology.  To do otherwise one’s penalty was being banished forever and forfeiting one’s eternal freedom, not to mention being shunned by those in “good” and having one’s communication completely cut off, i.e. disconnection.

It had been my observation that anyone who left in “bad standing” who is in a healthy state of mind, as far as having no concern about their “eternity”, has concluded that Scientology is a fraud.  Of course this is completely contrary to what Hubbard says.  His claim is that anyone who falls away, in particular those who speak out against it,  live miserable lives.  My experience has been quite the opposite, I’m doing better than ever!

In trying to make more sense out of how I stayed in for so long despite the abuse and disappointments, the real “hook” for me was not so much the “teachings”, it was the people.  And to this day, it remains that the goodness of the majority of the people in Scientology is what attracts people to it and what keeps them in.

Many who don’t know the true story of the cult assume that these Scientologists are good, decent people because of their association with and use of Scientology.   That couldn’t be further than the truth.

The fact is most people who are drawn to a religion, self-improvement, etc. are very decent people who unfortunately underestimate their self-worth.   These people were good from the get go.  They didn’t need a lot of fixing, therapy, discipline, punishment, etc, to “set them straight”.

Hubbard even stated himself in Fundamentals of Thought, I believe, that nothing anyone learns in Scientology is new and we all knew it before, just had to be reminded.  So much for Scientology and L Ron Hubbard being the true source of anything good that happens in this world.

Which brings me to another, but final point…

In short Hubbard goes into great detail about the parasitic personality, forewarning adherents to look out for this one, listing the traits.

“What we will call the aberrative personality does the following things:

1. Everything bad that happened to the preclear was (a) ridiculous, (b) unimportant, (c) deserved.

2. Everything the preclear and others did to the aberrative person was (a) very important, (b) very bad, (c) irremediable.

3. Those things which the preclear could do (a) were without real value, (b) were done better by the aberrative personality or by others.

4. Sexual restraint or perversion.

5. Inhibition of eating.”

Here is the link to the full reference:

Clearly the above points describe L Ron Hubbard and David Miscavige.

No need to say more on that.

I am hopeful that some Scientologists will read this and realize, they are responsible for their condition, not just when its bad (which is when they get this shoved in their face by the Scientology cult) but when its good.   Truly they are decent people and have been for a very long time and will remain so with or without Scientology.  If anything, the cult is putting a strain on them maintaining their own basic goodness.




I’m so proud to be part of the KW Family. In Response to Hurricane Harvey KW Agents contributed the following:

Keller Williams: $4m donated, $20m pledged to relief efforts, 3 semis full of relief equipment (from generators to tools to water, etc.) waiting outside of Houston for permission to enter, and literally THOUSANDS of agents standing by, waiting to get in, to help rebuild.

My prayers are with all those in need.